Rivals

Pokemon is a wonderful little game series. In the game, the player collects monsters (called pokemon) that can fit inside little balls (called pokeballs). These critters are implemented for battles in the game. Throughout the course of the player's adventure, he will have run-ins with his or her rival.

The most memorable rival in the series is Blue from the first generation of games (Pokemon Red and Blue). He shows up at crucial bottlenecks of the journey and harasses the player with his well-trained, killer creatures. To put it quite bluntly, he's a piece of shit. In classic JRPG fashion, at the beginning of the game the player is given the option to name his hero and rival. Classy as I was at eight years old, my rival would sport such new age names as:

 As an older and wiser soul, I now give my rival a much more appropriate moniker. I give him the only name that I believe truly embodies the scummy tendencies of the mean-spirited trainer:

Every battle that I face against the rival becomes personal. I must destroy Scott. He is the worst person that I have ever met, and he is probably the worst person that anyone could ever have the misfortune of meeting. My monsters must defeat his monsters at all costs; I must prove my dominance every time.

You're not great. You're horrible. Readers beware, ProtoScott is the worst person ever. I hate him. Don't read his posts, you'll only encourage his lame tendencies. He's a doodoo head and you shouldn't listen to anything he says.