Monday, November 29, 2010

The Return (or Possibly True Arrival) of ProtoScott

As I alluded to in my last blog post (about how Timo is a putrid piece of poo-poo), I have been without a laptop (I mentioned something about how I was typing the entire thing on an IPod for those of you who do not wish to scroll all the way down to my last post.) This issue has caused me to be somewhat silent on this blog as of late, but I am happy to report that the situation has been rectified and even now I am typing this blog (and absentmindedly navigating the Facebook) on my newly repaired HP laptop. This means that I will be able to post much more frequently and hopefully Timo can stop having all the pressure be on him.

I am not quite sure if this counts as a return to the blog since I have never had a chance to post on the blogs with my own laptop anyway but whatever it is I am finally able to participate fully. In the near future I am hoping to begin some reviews of the NES games I own and will hopefully have the first one posted this week, over what I believe to be one of, if not the, best NES games ever made. MEGA MAN 3.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Warmth and Togetherness

First off, I'd like to thank the readers. Yes, I know there are only two of them at the moment (that I know of). If you are reading and haven't subscribed, I would feel warmer inside if you did. Thanks.

Today is the wonderful holiday of Thanksgiving. What does this have to do with gaming? Well, I typically spend Thanksgiving at my sister's house. Her husband has a Super Nintendo and a wonderful gem called Tetris Attack. As the title suggests, it plays like Tetris. However, like other games that are like Tetris, it differentiates itself from its parent title. I won't go into the mechanics, but they aren't terribly complicated at their core. Thus, fun times can be had by all.

It's just one of those games. The sort of fun that brings folks closer together. Even though I don't always like my family, I can still play a little Tetris Attack with them.

Games are great for bonding. Play games with your friends and family. Don't play online all of the time; get together and play side-by-side as God intended. You may find that the spirit of Thanksgiving (that of warmth and togetherness) can be found any time of the year.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Sound Test 1

I had no ideas for an update this week, and my compatriots in blogging are no doubt busy with their respective lives; thus, I find myself with a dilemma. Should I skip updating this week? No. I'll just invent a low-effort monthly segment.

I call it Sound Test.

In this segment I would like to call attention to the vast selection of fine music that can be found in video games. I myself am a musician (as are my fellow writers here), so I naturally find myself obsessing over game soundtracks. Video games have been around long enough for several instantly recognizable tunes to emerge (the Mario theme comes to mind the most quickly). However, too often people forget equally great songs from other games. Whether it is because the game is lesser known, or because the song is played only in obscure areas or moments in the game.

Today, let's listen to the game corner theme from Pokemon Gold/Silver/Crystal. It is easily the catchiest game corner them from the series and conveys its own mood and atmosphere. It has both a driving beat and bass line; the melody is pretty slick too. I would almost describe the entire song as slick, but that doesn't quite do it justice. Sleazy. That is the word that I use to describe it. This song musically portrays the oily filthiness of casinos and used-car salesmen in a way that no other song can. It takes the player to the seedy underbelly of Goldenrod City: behind the plated, plastered veneer of that great city lurks a gaming hall (and slave market) where desperation and greed thrive. The environment provides a striking contrast to the overworld of Pokemon where values like friendship and kindness are most pervasive.

With that in mind, enjoy this wonderful piece of music.

Also have a snazzy piano rendition. (it's a tad sloppy, but that can be forgiven due to the difficulty of the piece)

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Friendship! Friendship?

Gamers typically live in a world saturated by blood, gore, and gibs. Violence has, of course, always fascinated man. However, there are numerous games that do not fixate themselves on violence and destruction, and these games offer an interesting look at what games offer us as people.
The Harvest Moon series transports the player to idyllic, pastoral settings; the player then engages in developing a plot of land into a well-functioning farm and homestead. The only violence to be found is the ability to cut grass with a sickle. You can also apply the hoe to your farm animals; they don't like it, and thus produce less (also, you have exhibited one common trait of serial killers). The game focuses on development: there are no taxes in the game and no way to lose. Your character never starves, most every other character you meet is willing to make friends with you, and in the end things inevitably turn out alright.

Sim City, a popular game franchise from the brilliant minds of Will Wright and the folks at Maxis, offers another look at concepts of growth and prosperity in games. Again, the focus of the game is development rather than destruction. Players do have the ability to invoke various natural (and unnatural) disasters upon the virtual denizens of their artificial cities, but they are primarily encouraged to build. In fact, there is no way to win the game. You simply can't. You just build and build and build and build. Naturally, some gamers are bored by this manner of game progression; others relish the ability to set their own goals for gameplay. Either way, the lack of violence and dischord within the game environment set it apart from mainstream games.

These are not by any means the only non-violent games. However, it is striking that there are so few of these sorts of games. Does this say something about the nature of humanity?

Of course it does. It does not say anything necessarily negative about us as a race. Humans find brutality and carnage more instantly gratifying than careful consideration and development. The concept of instant gratification is what pulls many people to play games. Being able to achieve skillful feats from the comfort of the sofa naturally attracts the soul to pick up the controller.
This isn't to say that peaceful games of progression aren't fun whatsoever. They stimulate the imagination by allowing a more infinite canvas in which to build worlds; worlds which would not otherwise exist.

As usual, I have an encouragement to make to you, dear readers (which at this point, I still have very few). If you have never tried peaceful games: try them. Many of them are very simple to learn, and your psyche may find it relaxing to foster friendship instead of fatality.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Tim = Poopie: a Quick Proof

As a freshman math major in college i find myself spending a lot of time proving stuff everyone already knows or accepts to be true. The following is an example:

1.) Let us first define what Poopie is.
C.Human waste that belongs in the toilet

2.)We must now prove that Tim also satisfies all of these conditions.

2-A.) HeavilyArmedTimo does not bathe for days at a time and has been known to not brush his teeth. He is unmistakeably smelly and anyone who has had the displeasure of being within 10 feet of him can verify this fact.

2-B.) Tim is a one-lunged less than human freak. His inability to gather even a semblance of normal lung capacity leaves him of a state of severely crippled mobility which can be rounded down to equal complete immobility.

2-C.). As previously mentioned Tim is crippled. This is a result of the fact that some higher power obviously realized he was not worthy of existence. This being tried to abort Tim while he was in the womb and turn him into a miscarried toilet baby. Unfortunately, Tim, much like the T-1000, proved to be a son of a bitch to kill and he somehow survived.

3.) since Tim clearly satisfies all of the characteristics of a steaming number 2 it can therefore be concluded that he is little more than feces.

Now obviously we should marvel in the fact that a piece of excrement has gained sentient thought and is able to post on a blog, but let us not forget that anything Timo posts on this blog basically amounts to what he is. 100% Crap.

(I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors this whole post was written from an ipod as I did not view Tim as a worthy enough reason to make the 5 second walk to a laptop in my dorm room.)


Pokemon is a wonderful little game series. In the game, the player collects monsters (called pokemon) that can fit inside little balls (called pokeballs). These critters are implemented for battles in the game. Throughout the course of the player's adventure, he will have run-ins with his or her rival.

The most memorable rival in the series is Blue from the first generation of games (Pokemon Red and Blue). He shows up at crucial bottlenecks of the journey and harasses the player with his well-trained, killer creatures. To put it quite bluntly, he's a piece of shit. In classic JRPG fashion, at the beginning of the game the player is given the option to name his hero and rival. Classy as I was at eight years old, my rival would sport such new age names as:

 As an older and wiser soul, I now give my rival a much more appropriate moniker. I give him the only name that I believe truly embodies the scummy tendencies of the mean-spirited trainer:

Every battle that I face against the rival becomes personal. I must destroy Scott. He is the worst person that I have ever met, and he is probably the worst person that anyone could ever have the misfortune of meeting. My monsters must defeat his monsters at all costs; I must prove my dominance every time.

You're not great. You're horrible. Readers beware, ProtoScott is the worst person ever. I hate him. Don't read his posts, you'll only encourage his lame tendencies. He's a doodoo head and you shouldn't listen to anything he says.