3DS

I bit the bullet. I bought a 3DS.

There I was... standing in the Nintendo aisle at Best Buy... It was Black Friday.

It was my duty as an American. I had to buy it. The bargain was too great. Plus, I could purchase a special edition. I have in my hands a special Legend of Zelda 3DS. It's very, very cool.

I feel a little bit guilty, but it was the first sunlight I had tasted since the release of Skyrim and Saints Row: the Third. I was feeling saucy. I haven't posted in quite a while, but let me tell you that I don't regret this purchase a single bit anymore.

I can play Ocarina of Time while a take a poopoo.

God bless America.

The Day the Dorks Disappeared

It is here. Skyrim is out. Millions of pale kids across the world are becoming even paler. For those of you with loved ones who enjoy magic, dragons, and role playing games. Stay strong, in about a month your friends and family will start talking about other stuff and we can return to our normal lives.

5 REASONS WHY SKYRIM IS THE GREATEST GAME EVER MADE PROBABLY FOREVER.

1. IT HAS DRAGONS

Dragons are like super awesome and they breathe fire and fly and can burn houses and eat people and stuff and they aren’t in any other video games ever made ever. This is revolutionary.

This doesn’t count cause that is a robot dragon and everybody knows robots break when you pour water on them cause they suck. Also Mega Man is pink and pink is for little pussys who don’t play SKYRIM

This doesn’t count because he is purple and looks like he wants to touch you in inappropriate places also because its not SKYRIM and SKYRIM IS THE GREATEATS EVAR.

2. THERE IS MAGIC IN IT

Magic is awesome! Have you ever been like: “aw man, I wish I could set something on fire?” well in SKYRIM you can learn magic and set things on fire and be a wizards! Harry Potter was a wizard, and he got lots of girlfriends and Hippogriffs. So if you play SKYRIM you will also get girlfriends and Hippogriffs. (you could use magic in Oblivion, but it doesn’t count because all anybody ever did was use charm spells to grope people’s boobies and giggle to themselves. Tee hee.)

3. THE GRAPHICS ARE THE GREATEST THING ANYBODY HAS EVER SEEN EVER.

As we all know here at Use Blogs Wisely, the only important thing about a video game is how good it looks. Nothing else matters about it. If you had to look at your girlfriend or look at SKYRIM, you would choose SKYRIM every single time because it looks better than her. The graphics look better than a clothes- less Sarah Michelle Gellar and Alyson Hannigan making out while they cook bacon for you. At a circus. And circuses are fun.

BEHOLD THE GREATEST THING YOUR EYES HAVE EVAR SEEN!

OKAY SO IN CONCLUSION SKYRIM IS THE GREATEST GAME EVER MADE EVER PERIOD.

Things I Learned From Nes (That I Should've Known Were Wrong)

Video Games teach us things. Old video games taught me most of what I know. Most of what I know is illogical.

Super Mario Bros. 3
- Racoons can fly.









Castlevania
- If you run out of money or ammo human hearts will do the job just fine.

Silver Surfer
- Pumpkins can kill super heroes.
- So can everything else.

Mike Tyson's Punchout
- Size doesn't matter. :(

Bible Adventures
- Noah single handedly captured all the animals for the ark and carried them to the ship.

Maniac Mansion
- Aliens drink Pepsi.
- Emptying your pool will cause a nuclear explosion.

Bubble Bobble
- Bubbles can support a persons weight as long as they jump up and down quickly.

Mega Man
- Scissors beats electricity. Yeah try sticking a pair of scissors in an outlet and see if you beat it.

The Legend of Zelda
- Ladders are for crossing rivers.