Tuesday, December 14, 2010

A Star Fox Guide to Romance

Star Fox 64 is one of the most awesome quotable games ever. Everyone knows this. What some men out there may not have ever realized is that these quotes could in fact secretly contain messages to help them find love. Luckily for those men I am here to translate. So without further adieu here is a Star Fox guide to love.


WHEN TRYING TO MEET WOMEN:

Never give up. Trust your instincts. – James McCloud

Translation: Exactly what it says. CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

Go for the chest! – Peppy Hare

Translation: Boobs are awesome, and should be used as a tool in selecting a potential mate if you are doing it based on looks alone.

Let’s take ‘em all out! – Falco Lombardi


Translation: It’s a numbers game; you have to go after as many women as you can until you find the right one.

You’re not getting away that easy! – Slippy Toad

Translation: Don’t give up after one rejection, she may be playing hard to get. Don’t go overboard though stalking a woman is never a good idea.

Looks like you could use some help, Fox – Bill Grey.


Translation: In case things go wrong it is always good to have a wingman. Even if it is just a dog………a gay dog.

Location confirmed. Sending supplies. – ROB 64


Translation: Make sure your wingman knows where you are at all times, so he can be ready to supply you with protection if necessary.

WHEN TAKING A WOMAN OUT:

You can’t beat me, I’ve got a better ship! – Pigma Dengar

Translation: Women like cool cars. Pick them up for dates in cool cars, and they will like you.

Don’t get too cocky, Star Fox. – Wolf O’Donnel

Translation: Confidence is important, but too much can turn a woman off.

This is one steep bill! But it’s worth it. – General Pepper


Translation: Don’t be cheap. Pay for her dinner/drinks. Things will work out better for you if you do.

I’ve got a present for ya! – Attack Carrier


Translation: Buy girls presents. They like presents.

FOR WHEN YOU HAVE SUCCESSFULLY FOLLOWED ALL THE ADVICE OF THE STAR FOX CHARACTERS:

Here it comes! – Fox McCloud


Translation: BOW CHICKA BOW WOW!

(Well I apologize for all of the quotes that are missing links, but I can only find 2 websites that have the audio clips and unfortunately the one with the better selection is apparently run by a bunch of assholes who don't want to share the glory that is star fox with the rest of the world.)

4 comments:

  1. Check the links, amigo: it's just who we needed to see, Star Wolf. Other than that, this is full of rofls.

    Also, I have to add "Let's split up and take it to 'em."

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  2. I did check the links they work for me but not for everyone else apparently. Cause I made sure to check them all multiple times before posting.

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  3. Actually, they are working now. Weird.

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  4. Thats cause I edited the post and found new links.

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